Snippets of Serendipity

I’ve been in a daze for a while. For weeks, my head has been clouded over with thoughts that I have managed to conjure up from my imagination. Conjure up, and then, throught the power of suggestion, managed to think that it was true. Even though, from the start, reason and logic have been trying to break through; to remind me that I’m starting to tread on dangerous waters. I was setting myself up for disappointment by starting to believe in make-believe.

I’m probably not going to make sense to anyone who reads this. And I intend to keep the details to myself anyway. Let’s just say this is part of the purging process… my moving-on project.

It has been serious enough that I have started on include this in my daily devotion, that if it’s not meant to be, please God, let me have the strength to get over it.  Such has it been that it had been starting to affect me, my work, my belief in myself. And finally, God did answer. Through the most random way ever.

I can breathe now. And even though the end is not what I hoped to be, it is what I need to know, to finally strip away that cloud from my brain. And it’s ok, I am happy with what is left. It may not be the whole that i was hoping for, but what remains, will suffice.

It feels good to see again. Clearly. Blue skies and sunshine. Life is good.

I’m a big fan of American Idol, and anyone who has a pulse and has a tv probably has some idea about the finalists in the show. One of them is Adam Lambert, and although he is not my favorite, I admire his vocal skills a lot. There are news floating around, saying a lot of things about his gender preference. Personally, I can’t understand what the big deal is. He has amazing talent, and being the curious creature that I am, decided to browse through videos of his performances. Turns out he seems to be a very accomplished performer in the cabaret (is this right) / lounge scene. And one of his performances struck me. This person has an unbelievable amount of talent. I’ll let you see for yourselves here.

What struck me was the narrative he did before he sang. Some of it goes:

“…Here’s the unrequited love that you’re searching for and looking for and it eludes you and escapes, and it hurts. Especially if you’re projecting it, if you’re putting out there that you want that in your life. This next song has to do with that feeling of, feeling that you’ve found somebody,comes and hangs out with you, goes and see a movie, things like that, but the feelings aren’t there…”

“…We’ve had that and its a  non- intimate companionship, its a place of limbo and it hurts…”

This is probably just my emo-ness talking. But it sure struck a chord.

You are my hero, Mama. Your bravery and grace throughout the course of your sickness and healing is unparalleled. I thank God for making you a survivor of breast cancer. Through you I am stronger in Faith and I pray that the Lord, with His healing hand, touch other women who were like you before, battling this disease. There is hope, always. And after the darkness, always, there is light.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the brave women out there who tackled the most difficult job in the world. =)

I work in a skilled nursing facility here in Florida. It’s a place where patients from the hospital stay, mainly to undergo rehabilitation and make sure they are strong enough to go home. I encounter different people in my job everyday, and some of these people that you encounter just leaves quite an impression on you. They are usually from the geriatric population, with their decades of experiences, life lessons and tidbits of wisdom. I consider my job a blessing, that I get to meet these people, and have a hand in their recuperation.

***

Have you ever seen the movie 50 first dates? If you haven’t, the story is about a girl whose memory is stuck in the last 24 hours before she sustains a vehicular accident. Everyday is the same for her, never going forward.

This is almost the same case with a patient of mine, who I’ll call Ms. Daisy. Everyday, whenever I bring her down to the therapy room, she will always greet me with “Hi Sweetie, I didn’t see you yesterday. How are you?” when I have been seeing her almost daily for the past 2 weeks. Oftentimes, in the middle of our exercises, she will stop, with tears in her eyes. I give her a kleenex and then she will say, “I’m so sorry if I seem down in the dumps today, I miss my husband, he hasn’t been here to see me since I got here.” I reassure her, and gently say “No, that’s not true, he is always here at around 2:00. I saw him yesterday with you.” And then she replies, “Oh, ok. I guess it’s my darn bad memory again.”

And come 2:00, her husband will come, showing her a phone video of the day before, proving he was there. One time, I was still doing therapy with her, and her husband came, showed her the video. Ms. Daisy apologized for “being a nuthead”, and for not remembering.

And her husband replied with this, which I thought was so touching: “Don’t worry honey, I don’t care how much you forget. I will remember for you. As long as you don’t forget I love you, that’s all that matters.”

***

Watch this.

It’s a short fim entitled “Signs.” Click on the british flag to watch it in English, then click on the movie poster entitled “Signs.”

I was having a bad day and watching this helped me out of my bad mood. Let’s just say it’s super “kilig”. I don’t want to give away too much.

Go watch it and let me know what you think.

I knew better than to watch another Nicholas Sparks movie. But what can I say? I guess I’m a sucker for ka-sentihan. Nights In Rodanthe was ok, except that it happened so fast, and the inevitable part where (ok, spoiler coming up, for those who haven’t seen it yet) Richard Gere dies left me feeling, wait, that’s it? And I kept waiting for him to miraculously rise up from the mud and run to Diane Lane. Ha. Tough luck.

But I did like the song from the movie. It struck a chord, it did. Why? Hmmm. Now that’s for another post.

Watch it here.

For my last birthday, a friend gave  me this book titled “Love Smart… find the one you want– fix the one you got…” And it explains that you can’t just wait for some Prince Charming to just come galloping down from the horizon and sweep you off your feet. You have to have a mental picture of that person you want to spend the rest of your life with, know what you want in a person, and picture yourself finding that person.

Well my picture is kind of blurred around the edges.

The downside of being single for so long is just getting to be good at being alone. I never thought I would be saying this, but I am really enjoying my independence and the fact that I can rely on myself for anything. Of course, I love my friends and it’s always good to have people around you that you can call on if you need help. But the good thing of being by yourself is that you have no choice BUT find a way to solve problems on your own.

And after a year, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sure, sometimes you get that feeling of longing to be in a meaningful relationship, especially since all of the people around you are either getting engaged, married or adding tax deductions (a.ka. kids, hehehe…). But right now, this is how it is, and it isn’t so bad.

Maybe I’ll get to zoom in on that picture soon, but meanwhile, I’ll be just fine.

Lost. Been wandering for a while. Felt like a daze, just walking through the motions. Not knowing where I’m headed… didn’t care anyhow.

One foot in front of the other.

Just one more day. Everyday.

Then…

I saw, I felt. I stopped. Light in my eye. Burned the mist in my head. Where it came from, I don’t know.

But thankful, nonetheless.

I realized, then I understood. I smiled.

I bow my head. And I am glad.

Just finished The Bachelorette, and I totally loved the Natasha Bedingfield perfomance. Naturally, I just HAD to find the song… talk about being sadistic. (hehehe…)

Pagpasensyahan na ang pagiging "emo".. but it’s a beautiful song. =)

See the video at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEzbkGj7EaQ&eurl=http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/131415/Natasha+Bedingfield+-+Soulmate.html

Soulmate

by Natasha Bedingfield

Incompatible, it don’t matter though
‘cos someone’s bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You’re not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you’re in disguise

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There’s enough for everyone
But I’m still waiting in line

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They’re all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

I recently discovered the movie "Across the Universe", starring Jim Sturgess. And it is amazing! I recommend it to all of you who haven’t seen it yet. It’s a movie/musical based on the Beatle’s songs. Soundtrack is phenomenal. And it helps that Jim is pretty darn cute, too. =)

check: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h63PkwDLlEY